I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
