this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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