I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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