Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
