Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
