you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
