census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
