when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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