I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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