Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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