i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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