btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
