Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
