can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
