We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
