Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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