well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
