just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
