Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wish my penis had a tongue
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
