My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
