Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
