bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
