Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
