My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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