I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I need a burrito and a hug.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
