oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
