I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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