At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
