hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
