My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
