I wish I could teleport
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
