Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
