Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
