It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
