The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
