put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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