I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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