Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
