I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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