Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
