sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
