We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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