Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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