I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have tasted many bathrooms
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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