If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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