Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
