You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
