In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
