You just made me feel so damn special
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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