my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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