Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
